You are here: Home » Digressions

Here we hope to give you pause for thought, with poems, sayings, cartoons and other items that you can turn to for a smile, laugh, or thoughts about how profound life is on this planet of ours.

Other things, like the unique clock - move your mouse and watch!  I got it from here and would like to credit the originator, if I knew who he/she is!

I have only just started to compile this part so there is not much here yet.

Make the pie higher

From Guardian Unlimited

This poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W Bush. Circulating on the internet for some time, it was reportedly compiled by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.

Here we reproduce it to mark National Poetry Day - Thursday October 10, 2002

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?    They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our
wings take dream.    Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!  Make the pie higher!

Another day done…

All targets met…

All systems fully operational…

All paperwork completed…

All students satisfied…

All staff keen and motivated…

All pigs fed and ready to fly.

Tom Jones Syndrome

A guy goes to the doctor, really worried.

“Doctor, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home’ he says.

“That sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome”, says the doctor.

“Is it common?” the guy asks.

To which the doctor replies: “It’s not unusual”.

Marine Manoeuvres – US Style

This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.  Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 95/10/10.

Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees north to avoid collision.”

Canadians: “Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid collision.”

Americans: “This is the Captain of the US Navy ship.  I say again, divert your course.”

Canadians: “No.  I say again, you divert your course.”

Americans: “This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States atlantic fleet.  We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels.  I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north.  That is, one five degrees north.  Or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.”

Canadians: “This is the Lighthouse.  Your call!”

This item from Canada, originated in France (the original was in French). 
All of which goes to show that government ineptitude knows no borders:

Words of Wisdom from Kids:

"Never trust a dog to watch your food."
Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?'  Don't answer."
Hannah, age 9

“Never tell your Mum her diet's not working."
Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes."
Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to."
Emily, age 10

"When your Mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair."
Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment."
Tracy, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath - even after eating a Tic-Tac."
Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time."
Kyoyo, age 11

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk."
Amir, age 9

“I am pleased to have the responsibility of being President of the United States. As young Americans you also have an important responsibility, which is to become good citizens.”

President George W. Bush writing to a group of 11-year-old Lancashire, UK schoolchildren

Green Fingers - the Definition? (Heard on the radio early December 2001)

If it’s green you mow it.

If it’s got some colour, you don’t mow it.

If it’s bigger than the mower, it’s a tree.

Office Buzz Words and Phrases for the 21st Century

Blamestorming
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Chainsaw Consultant
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Cube Farm
An office filled with cubicles.

Prairie Dogging
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Mouse Potato
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Sitcoms (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage)
What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

Starter Marriage
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Swiped Out
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Tourists
People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

Treeware Hacker
slang for documentation or other printed material.

Xerox Subsidy
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

Chips & Salsa
Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. (Try not to dent the case.)

Salmon Day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get scr*wed and die.

CLM (Career Limiting Move)
Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Adminisphere
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been Dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."

Extreme Bumper Stickers

It could be argued that a couple of these are, pedantically, against the reason for Earth Focus. I say they make the point - brilliantly!